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How the Large Hadron Collider Secretly Killed You

Remember the Large Hadron Collider (LHC)?

When this colossal experiment was being built, there was widely publicized concern that it was dangerous. Scientists working on the project scoffed at the idea that it might create a tiny Black Hole that would swallow the entire earth.

On September 10, 2008, they switched it on.

On September 19, 2008, it broke. And they switched it off.

And you haven't heard much about it since then, have you?

Here's What Really Happened!

The LHC did indeed create a Black Hole. And it has begun consuming the earth. And there is nothing that can stop it.

Now, the creation of this Black Hole really had nothing to do with the damage to the LHC that caused it to be shut down. It is possible that the scientists working on the LHC are not even aware of the fact that a Black Hole was born.

But it was.

Initially, this Black Hole was so small nobody could have noticed its trail of subatomic destruction. It was small enough to pass through billions and billions of atoms without causing any effect. It fell, pulled by the earth's gravity, right into the earth itself.

There was nothing to stop the fall of the micro-Black Hole. It passed right through the empty space of each atom, never colliding with an atomic nucleus, all the way to the center of the earth. And when it reached the center, it kept on going, due to its inertia, and returned nearly to the surface on the opposite side of the earth.

Scientists would say that the Black Hole would simply have popped out of the earth and hurtled harmlessly into outer space, never affecting the earth or any other planet one little bit.

But they're overlooking one thing. Although the micro-Black Hole would almost certainly miss every atomic nucleus it passed, it would inevitably hit an electron once in a while. And it would absorb these electrons.

This absorption of electrons had two important effects on the Black Hole.

First, since these electrons were of the natural stuff of the earth, they did not have the inertia of the Black Hole exiting the LHC at fantastic speeds. Thus, the addition of these electrons to the inertia of the Black Hole caused the Black Hole to slow down. When it passed through the earth, it did not have enough momentum to pass completely out of the earth again. It fell back down into the earth to pass through again. And again. And again, each time absorbing a few more electrons.

Second, although an electron does not have much mass, it does have some. And each electron absorbed by the Black Hole added to its mass, increasing its ability to absorb still more and more matter. Each time it passed through the earth, the Black Hole absorbed more matter than it had absorbed on its previous pass.

And it is continuing to grow even now!

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